:: Out of Spite, Out of Mind ::

:: Thursday, August 28, 2003 ::

So I've been kind of in a haze today-
stemming from this intense dream I had last night.

I had a dream that I was in love with a beautiful woman- I think that, uh, she was a prostitute or something. It was totally intense, passionate and self consuming- like I knew it was self destructive, yet no price was too high to be with her. She said something like "the price is something you'll never be able to afford" yet she was in love with me too. It was extremely sad and frustrating. I woke up at 4am -heart racing with frenzied passion whipping through me. I couldn't get back to sleep- it was too real or something... the things she was saying to me were things my mind could never invent... as if I was channeling some kind of temptress.

Trying to figure this out, maybe it's meaning is obvious...
(like time to get proactive in the quest for mate- which is totally NOT my style)... or maybe it's deceptively complex... maybe I dialed the wrong "dream number"

:: Ol Man Factory 8/28/2003 06:36:00 PM [+] ::
...

What my world needs more of now:
Sleep
Curry
Girl
guitar practice

heh heh, I better be careful what I say/axe for cuz some people take me too seriously.

Actually more appropriate would be this list:

Balance
Patience/Urgency
Competence
Time/timing
Luck of being in the right place at the right time

Ummm I know I'm forgetting something... perhaps money so I can pay off all these piling debts. I feel like I'm going nowhere pretty damn fast!

:: Ol Man Factory 8/28/2003 06:23:00 PM [+] ::
...

Waitin' Tables, Waitin for the tables to turn
Waitin' Tables, Waitin in a city with no left hand turns

Where are you now?

$30, makin $30 a day
$30 but the meter maid came and took it all away

Where is the love?

Sleep's the only place where I can see your face these days
You take me home
You give me hope

Ride the clock and wait in vain
same ol difference but what's it make?
Just minimum wage

Reading fables, reading into windows of hope- and pray
prayin that the wind'll come and blow you my way

Where are ya now?

Seems the only place that I can find you's
in this song...

You take me home
Beautiful girl
You give me hope

Usin' staples trying to make these ends meet
hope we meet in the end and I hope that we end as friends

Where are ya now?

Turn the tables, it's your turn to turn the tables and learn
turn the tables in a city w/no left hand turns

Where are ya now?

:: Ol Man Factory 8/28/2003 05:26:00 AM [+] ::
...

You still with me?

It seems as if nothing has really changed- but I know that is not entirely true.
I don't know what it is, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to write anything these days. I've definitely been bottling things up more. Ok, I've already said too much...

It seems that over the past two months that I've been constantly going to "going away parties"... I don't get it man, shouldn't we celebrate someone's arrival? ...like, are we glad that you're going away? (as in Good Riddance?)

As if to say: Let's raise our glasses in a toast to (fill in name)'s departure. Said person will NEVER come within a 10 mile radius of here again! (cheers!) We are personally seeing to it that said person is actually leaving- in fact I will be personally escorting this person out of town to make sure s/he leaves!

But yeah, lots of people are leaving... life goes on.

:: Ol Man Factory 8/26/2003 06:37:00 PM [+] ::
...