:: Out of Spite, Out of Mind ::

:: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 ::

'Tis been a good year so far- have been surrounded by love and comfort and support for the most part. The only fear is that I feel like I'm in a womb that is eventually gonna break, and out I will come crying and kicking...

I'm convinced that I am a "new" soul... others are definitely "old" souls. I'm not sure if I can explain why I feel like I'm new... I guess I feel like a little kid all the time.

"Just a little boy wearing a big man's shirt"
-Elvis Costello (Town Crier)

Elvis is an old soul...

Oh yeah, by the way- Ron Sexsmith called me on my cell phone the day after my birthday! My lil sis oompa omi (who yo baby?) hooked that shit up, can you believe it? Elated forever!

Unfortunately, I was teaching a guitar lesson at the time-
but I picked up anyway...

more later... off to the Brewery to clean tank 6.

:: Ol Man Factory 2/04/2003 10:49:00 AM [+] ::
...

Part 3

I ended up going to dinner w/her and having one of the worst "dates" of my life. It was not her fault- she was pretty bummed and I stuck my foot in my mouth when somehow the topic of depression came up. Basically, a friend of mine had recently started taking an anti-depressant and I was totally against it. The medication had dissolved my friend's personality and left a hollow shell of his former self behind.

After I said that, she responded with "I'm on anti-depressants and trying to get off of them"

I apologized profusely for my insensitivity- but it was way too late. I dropped her off feeling like I had ruined the world.

I felt like I had betrayed her, but luckily she forgave me. We hung out a few times- and talked... deep things. Things like our grandparents, and how they had tremendous faith in their relationships to last them a lifetime. Things like spirituality and reincarnation- basically stuff that sounds wacky and corny when brought up in different social circles... but with her, it was natural. She seemed to posses a wisdom and weariness of an old soul that I would have never guessed would be contained in her young, delicate frame. I, on the other hand was/am a baby soul.

I was determined to redeem myself of the stupid shit that I said that night, and luckily she was gracious enough to share her pain both past and present with me. I think it was good for her, because she gradually got off the medication.

This story doesn't really have an end, but she ended up moving to Seattle. We exchanged e-mails and I even got a X-mas card from her... but as the months faded away, so did the frequency of the correspondence.

Then one day, I got an email from my friend Paul (who moved up to Seattle). Paul was the one who gave her the name "Angry" because she glared at him one day. The email said:

"I was at the Grocery store and who should I see but 'Angry'. She looked good man. After I saw her, I ran away and hid"

I asked him if he was sure it was her, and he replied "there's only one 'Angry Shout Out'"

And he's right.

:: Ol Man Factory 2/02/2003 01:00:00 PM [+] ::
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