:: Out of Spite, Out of Mind ::

:: Friday, October 18, 2002 ::

Urgent!

If you see a busboy- and he is hungover, please give him a break. He is doing what he can to pay the bills...it is a humbling job. He is hungover because his darling sisters went to Mexico a few months ago and brought him back a few mini bottles of tequila that he decided to smuggle into the bar he went to last night. I repeat, please give him a break.

That is all.

:: Ol Man Factory 10/18/2002 09:27:00 AM [+] ::
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Strange Heavy Metal Dream: I was on stage w/ Ozzy Osbourne- not as a musician, but as an onlooker. The stage was on the top of a huge tower overlooking a sea of ecstatic fans. Ozzy was younger and more coherent than his current tv persona...really putting on a fantastic show- playing his old hits such as "Crazy Train", "Paranoid"- in fact his deceased guitarist Randy Rhoads was there too...kinda creepy. This is where it gets a little strange- Ozzy finishes the show, then dissappears. The crowd is screaming for an encore- and they get it... suddenly another tower begins to rise from the middle of the audience. On top of the tower is a coffin from which Ozzy appears, but he is a zombie... the audience loses it... I am somehow on that other stage w/him...I don't know how- maybe I was a bat. Anyhow- Ozzy announces that he's gonna play a new song and proceeds to play the most beautiful song I've ever heard- it is stylistically something he'd never do (kinda beatlish/folksy)... The utter beauty of this song is paralyzing and I am crying uncontrollably. Then it's over and I see his wife- she simply says "I like that one"

I can't remember how the dream ended- Ozzy probably bit my head off... "Blimey! Wot's that? A Puftah Cryin' Bat? Give it 'ere mate- I'll eat it's pansy lil 'ead!"

I nearly forgot the dream (probably from the trauma of being decaptitated) but all I know is that I am kicking myself for not remembering the song...

:: Ol Man Factory 10/17/2002 10:49:00 AM [+] ::
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Good God people...what the fuck is wrong with you?!!!? (not you, unless you had something to do with this humiliating kick in the crotch[>])

:: Ol Man Factory 10/16/2002 04:45:00 PM [+] ::
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Maury Povich update: I am employed now. I have been "cured" of lesbianism. (watch out, you might catch "gay" as Homer Simpson once said) No longer care about being in a boyee band. Can no longer see the future, hate subcategories, stopped my canniballistic ways.

oh yeah, just joined the ricebowljournals!

:: Ol Man Factory 10/16/2002 03:12:00 PM [+] ::
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Life is becoming a big clusterfuck- I'm trying to sandwhich in time to do stuff that is vital to me (i.e. eating,sleeping,exercise,music,reading) but it doesn't seem to be working. I'm having some difficulty adjusting to this new schedule- it's been esp. hard to prepare meals under the clock when I'm used to having more time to do so. Thus, I have been not eating, going to work- and feeling like shit. Now it seems there's always somewhere I need to be, and the interim is usually spent trying to rest because it feels like I need twice as much sleep now. It's kind of strange because blogging/websurfing has become an addiction/escape/tv substitute- I come home from work not wanting to talk to anyone or go out- because (suprise!) I have just been in a packed beer hall with hundreds of people and want a change. Also it's a way to relax a bit. Right now my frustration is music and time- there are notes/songs in my head that I need to get out, and I'm trying to hold them there long enough till I can sit down and record them (tried to do it yesterday, but fuckin' PG&E bastard foiled my plan).

Hey, y'alls- feel free to comment,dammit! I won't bite! (at least not at first)... it's lonely as a bastard in here...so dark....who shut off all the lights?....what's with all the skeletons and or maybe I'm talking to myself...self...self...self...elf...elf...elf?...ELVES!!!! AHHHHH RUNNNN!!!!!!!!!

(the following is something I wrote awhile back, but never posted... SBezak- my connection at the Liftetime Netwerk for Wymyn helped me with it...thanks SB!)
Ten Reasons Not to Date Me (and there are many more!):

1) I am a cannibal
2) I hate "dating", as a fruit- dates are ok. (my mom still asks if people are "going together"...going where?!! nowhere fast!)
3) I am a member of the Maury Po-vich fan club, and have been to Boots Camp.
4) I am a Po'summama-vich* (rappers: this means I have no "bling-bling" as those rappers say)
4a)2 words: un employed*
4b) I love subcategories
5) I was the Asian kid in Indiana Jones 2-I'm not getting any younger
6) I repeat myself*
6a) I repeat, I am a lesbian (see 8)
6b) I can see the future!
7) If you diss me, I will write a song about you. (Diss me bad and I write an album. Diss me worse than that and there will be a boxed set. After that, I will sell the songs to J-Lo and P.Diddy and you will hear aforementioned songs in the gym/supermarket/mall/clubs/dentist office/elevator/your window washer will be whistling it etc...)
8) I am a lesbian (if you are a lesbian, this is a reason TO date me)
8a) see 6b- I told you so!
9) I "let the dogs out" therefore, I am the answer to "who? who? who? who?"
10) Dating anyone makes me ineligible to get into a boy band*
10a) I can't believe I was goddamned "Short Round" - look for me on behind the music!
*= truth
Copy this and warn all your friends! Hide your sisters, daughters and aunties!

:: Ol Man Factory 10/16/2002 03:09:00 PM [+] ::
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Happy birthday Bachan!

:: Ol Man Factory 10/16/2002 02:13:00 AM [+] ::
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Big shout out to Sofia Bezak. Sof, if you're reading this- I'm adding you to the "missed" things list. Hugz from the Takwinkle.
This morning PG&E shut our power off...(due to some deliquent payments- the housemate responsible for the bills dropped the ball in informing us that we were behind in payments...) They just snuck into our back yard and yanked the plug. I was recording at the time (in my Jammies even) and suddenly everything went out! We heard some rustling around the yard and ran out to investigate. An unassuming 40-ish man in a beard was trying to sneak away and said "we're shutting off power due to delinquent payment".

WTF!!!

The jacked up thing is that he didn't even knock on the door to warn us... what if someone was on life-support and they killed someone? What if we thought he was a burglar and knifed him? Or even worse, released the man-bat on him? What if i was writing the great american novel on my computer or even worse recording the best song ever written- and I couldn't even save it? A simple knock on the door and a "hey, I'm shuttin' your power off" would've been so easy.. but no- he had to be a Sneaky Ancestral-Necro-FELCHER about it and suck the power out of us when we weren't looking. Bastard Leech!

I wasn't writing the American novel, or on life-support, or recording the best song ever...but I was doing my laundry.

The neighbors, did have a guy on life-support- that's why I thought of that...what if it had been their house?

:: Ol Man Factory 10/15/2002 05:30:00 PM [+] ::
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I can't remember the last time I had $100 in my wallet... finally made a little money tonight, though I worked my ass off for it.

Ben wrote something that kind of hit a nerve- talking about loneliness/solitude. I am definitely one of those guys who spends a LOT of time alone. A girlfriend (actually the only "official" gf I had) said "I feel sorry for you- you WANT to be alone" (this was after I broke it off w.her). I guess there's some truth to that, but w/the right girl- I'd never feel alone because she'd be in my thoughts and heart. Yeah, cheesy- but it's the troof. Just knowing that someone dug me would be enough to keep me on cloud nine- this doesn't only apply to romantic situations either. Like, for example - if someone I admired- say a musician, liked the way I played or hired me in his/her band- I'd never feel "alone" because I'd have those happy thoughts to keep me company.

I was talking w/my friend Thu about our mutual friend Jin and how much we missed him. (he recently had to go back to Korea). The thing about Jin was that he truly made you feel really good about yourself- not in a deceptive/manipulative way- but genuinely made you feel in love with yourself. (and that's essential) More cheese- the point of relationship is to be there for each other and provide some kind of reflection/feedback... otherwise, it feels like you're living in some kind of dream or something. I know that when I don't talk to anyone for a long time (which I do kinda often) things get kind of surreal because I'm living so much in my own thoughts/world. It sucks and I hate it sometimes. So what do I do? I try to pull my head out of my ass somehow- whether it be randomly seeking one of my friends I fell out of touch with, or writing this blog. I'm not saying that I seek approval or compliments (though they are always appreciated :)- more like I need some kind of echo...like proof to myself that I am alive/conscious or something. I mean, wouldn't it be weird to shout into a canyon and hear no echo? It's so easy to get down on yourself for whatever reasons or be hung up on feeling inadequate...etc... Screw that! I know that often I treat myself or loved ones like shit, when I have seemingly infinite patience for others, sometimes people I don't even know too well. I can't quite control it- I usually end up hurting myself or loved ones the most. I need to look into this.

Some things I miss- though it's not been long since I've seen them:
My sisters, mom, dad, Big-B, Stache, mom's cooking.
Saratoga 24-hour fitness where they play funk music at night. (as oppossed to the aural horseshit at the Pacifica one)- seeing Benly there too.
Pho Hoa Mountain View
Playing jazz
Old School Higashi West Crew and some regular customers I used to have (in particular, Bill/Bob&Sue/Roscoe/"Fogarty Girl"/Tiger+Adam/Gordon Biersch Palo Alto crew/Lawyer Girl from N.Y./ ahh the list goes on... I don't feel so alone now.

Shouting into the canyon...canynon...canyon...anyon...anyon...anyone....anyone...etc...

:: Ol Man Factory 10/14/2002 11:27:00 AM [+] ::
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