:: Out of Spite, Out of Mind ::

:: Friday, September 27, 2002 ::

Welcome to the NVMA
Nakamura Video Music Awards:

(cue"urban" rap beat)

Aiiight...1,2...1,2....check, check...uh....uh... yeeeeeah.... what? what?....uh.... yeah...big fat shout outs to "The" Kiriko, the "Momz" and the ol schoool Bluebonnet posse...uh...uh...

Back in the day, I like to reminisce
bout makin' backyard traps
full of wet dog mess
it looked like mud, but it was shit
and Geoffrey, he jumped
and fell in the pit
A dangerous game
back in the day
of Simon sez
and the price he paid

Sorry, some bad poetry. I was thinking of a mean trick I did when I was little- I dug a small pit in someone's backyard then covered it with sticks and leaves... Vietcong style....except instead of spikes at the bottom, was a smelly suprise. Then, along came this kid named Geoffrey... I think he was kind of annoying or something, I don't remember...but anyway I suggested that we play "Simon says". Of course I I was "Simon", and Simon told Geoffrey to step to the right...a little more...now jump!

Man, I was such a fucked up kid now that I think of it...Anyways, PLSK (pre-law-school Kiriko) was there when it happened,(damn how time flies) and I wanted to crack her up with a rap about it.

Thanks for the help "TK!" (The Kiriko)

Random aside: My mom listened to one of my songs and immediately said "oh, I see you're using my Cottonpick"
I had no idea what she meant at first... I looked around for a guitar pick made out of cotton...

Nope. Then I got paranoid and thought my hair looked fucked up- like it was some kind sarcastic comment like "oh, nice hair- what'd you use to comb it- a COTTONPICK? hah haha hahaha"...no, my hair was ok...

Then it hit me- The COTTONPICK! How could I forget?!...it's a guitar fingerpicking technique...hellz yeah! Momz bustin' the blues-folk lingo. She did indeed show me this style when I was in 7th grade, and I've been using it since. Like an old bluesman, she reminded me where the music came from- her. She was my first guitar teacher and musical inspiration- so I am proud to present her with the "Artist of the Millenium" award.

Mom (Via satellite): Thank you, this is such an honor... I don't know what to say... Stache!! (calls cat in)...I really wasn't expecting this (turns on garbage disposal) and...hold on a sec (answers the phone) like I said, this is really an honour and (turns to grandma) MA! What are you wearing?...I'm sorry this is not a good time to be accepting an award...but thank you (puts in Pilates tape into vcr) uhh... I'd like to thank my family, the recording industry, Michael Jackson and Bubbles, Kenny Loggins, and David Blaine- your magic IS real. Thank you.

Well there you have it folks, I hope you had as much fun as I did...and now, together again for the first time: GUN'S N Fucking ROSES! YeahhhH!!!!!!!

:: Ol Man Factory 9/27/2002 11:22:00 AM [+] ::
...

So I started teaching a new student- he's a 9 year old autistic kid named Michael. His parents posted an ad on Craig's list looking for a drum or music teacher, but I didn;t know he was autistic until they contacted me... they were extremely happy to hear that I have experience teaching an autistic child (my other student is a 16 year old bassist/trombonist/pianist/singer named Bernard for those of you who don't know)
I've taught him twice so far, and I realize that he's got a lot of potential, but right now my job is more as a playmate/buddy than teacher...which is cool with me (and that's pretty much what his parents want- just for him to have fun).
The first day I felt like Richard Pryor in "The Toy" ...

Michael has a hell of a lot of energy...as soon as I came over, he went totally ape and ran around screaming "GOH's here! Goh's here! ahhhhhh!!!!" (he was happy, not upset)
I thanked him for the warm welcome, and prepared for the lesson... He had a list of songs he wanted to play, but the best part of the "lesson" is when we make songs up. Basically, I play guitar and "jam" up a song while he freestyles over it... it's pretty frickin hilarious! He actually improvises melodies over whatever I'm playing, while playing drums or his keyboard.

Some songs he came up with:
Sad Days Are Over
Rock Your Ears Off
Math is Hard
The Tree Fell On My Head (this is based on a true story- a tree fell on the roof of their sunroom and caused some major damage...Michael of course wasn't in the room when it happened, but he gave a harrowing musical account of what WOULD have happened if he was.... basically him screaming while I was playing a "Doors" riff)

Also, we "jam" a bunch of Beatles tunes -he is teaching himself drums... basically he keeps the beat while I play the songs on guitar...we played "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison today- he just kept repeating "Pretty Woman..." over and over again because those were the only lyrics he knew... it was kind of funny and also kind of awkward, heh heh.

For a 9 year old kid, he's extremely bright and pretty bossy- hence the "TOY" reference...like he tells me where to stand and when to play. Also, he refuses to start a song unless everything is "in place". So in other words, he is imagining that we are on TV and I have to be facing the "audience" whenever we play. Kinda trippy, but then again- this is exactly the same shit I used to do when I was 9...except I get paid for it now!
I'm teaching/playing with him twice a week, so hopefully we'll get used to each other and I can trick him into learning some actual music! (evil laugh- muhahhahahhaha)

:: Ol Man Factory 9/27/2002 02:40:00 AM [+] ::
...

Lots of stuff to write about, but alas- I am too tired! It's 7:19 am now and I just uploaded a brand spanking new recording of a song I wrote a few years ago about visiting my elementary school playground (Braly in Sunnyvale). I drove down from San Francisco tonight @ 1:30 am cuz I wanted to record it! And I did! If I sound tired on this song it's because I AM! Hope ya like it:El Camino.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/27/2002 02:16:00 AM [+] ::
...

So tired. It is 6:30 am. I never went to sleep, what the fuck is wrong with me! Recorded/posted another tune... very sloppy, but what the hellz.

The highlight of today- going to San Jose state to Naomi's 3-d sculpture art class gallery show. Some cool stuff- it was all wire sculptures....someone made a Krusty the clown head! Naomi made a cross-section of a coffee mug. Neato. There were a few open galleries happening- all with free junk food brought by the classmates.

For those interested, I ate:
1/8 piece of sausage? pizza (the pizza went fast!)
about 12 Doritos...doritoes?...Doritos! heh heh I'm friggin Dan Quayle!
3 tostito chips with nacho cheese
one Oreo. (This might have been the first Oreo I ate all year)

I started to feel kinda gross, so I stopped...been pretty good about not eating junk recently, so why start now?
That oreo was pretty damn good though. It was in a box outside of a photography exhibit. Also in the box were Hershey's kisses and chocolate graham crackers. I was fantasizing about grabbing the box and running off with it, then finding the closest stairwell and scarf it all down. 5 minutes later they find me slimped over in a diabetic coma. Would someone chase me for stealing the chocolate? Probably would, probably would....those damn artsy folk sure love their junk food.

Next we (Naomi, Ken) went to Chevy's and met Jeannie. Had salmon tacos. Not bad. We were talking about Japan, and I felt like a jackass for not going there in the past 13 years! Naomi told a story about Makiko at karaoke in Japan- supposedly she was kind of tipsy. I guess she was singing and having a grand ol' time. Then suddenly, she ran to her purse, grabbed a book and started to read it..suddenly she started laughing. Then she put it away and rejoined Aya and Naomi. They were kind of puzzled... Makiko, if you are reading this, I am intrigued. I think I am going to carry around a little portable "hah hah" book of my own from now on. I am inspired.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/25/2002 06:51:00 AM [+] ::
...

I've decided that I liked the first version better, in it's imperfection. I played it for someone and they immediately pointed out that it was out of tune...I was like "yeah, I'm a writer, not a singer". Then it started to eat away at me and I was cringing every time I heard certain passages...so I spent the entire day re-doing it. It came out a bit tidier but I am singing it more cautiously... kind of how I would sing it to Natalie Portman because I'd be scared. So click on the Songs link to hear the original again. Man, I am such a basket case when it comes to stuff like this...I feel like an insecure teenager......like...ohmygawd!

:: Ol Man Factory 9/24/2002 09:58:00 PM [+] ::
...

Call me a compulsive-obssesive bastard, but I spent the entire day trying to fix out of tune vocals on the original NP tune... I put a new version up, so if you click on the link below- it should play the new version...
Probably can't even tell the difference...

:: Ol Man Factory 9/24/2002 05:49:00 PM [+] ::
...

So I finally recorded the Natalie Portman song!! Click to hear it...

Enjoy:

I don't care much about movie stars
but Natalie Portman I love you from afar
I'll find a way to win your heart
with months and months of scheming just like Soren Kierkegaard

In a parallel world I'll save your life
Stop a hail of bullets, gladly take a knife

And in the hospital room far from media hype
You nurse me back to health and become my wife

And you can retain your maiden name
And I'll be "Goh Portman"
till my dying day
And I'll "Mr. Portman" - it'll be written on my epitaph
I'll be "Mr. Portman" just like your dad

In a Parallel world, where you're not a star
You're holdin' up a bank
and I'll drive the getaway car

In a Parallel world where the world's out to stop us
I'm our faithful dog and your willing accomplice

It's highly pathetic, but maybe in time
This song'll find you and our hearts will rhyme
And maybe this song will get to you
but most likely not...

:: Ol Man Factory 9/23/2002 04:04:00 PM [+] ::
...

Money Shots, Jazz Soloing.

I went to Craig's list looking for job opportunities. Then I saw it- Sperm Donors needed. $500 a shot. My rent could be paid in one swift money shot. If I refer someone, it's another $500! I could be the sperm baron... the keeper of the geyser of life... the bartender- the kegmaster... Ok, I'm grossing myself out and alienating my female reader.

But man, just think about it... this could get addictive. It's definitely attractive in a lot of ways, especially theoretically. You could tell people that you "get paid to unload guns" ... then smirk to yourself. (The sexual disarmament business... just hope you don't fire any "blanks".) Like I said a few phrases ago (like a good jazz musician, I will repeat myself) this could get addictive. The money, that is... yeah, the money. I might be able to make over $2000 in a day (if I recruited my friends). Alas, like anything...like say, flogging a dead horse...it'd get old fast. It'd definitely be a "rebound" job, and eventually i'd be utterly disgusted with myself...feeling used...like I sold my soul... so empty...

Also, I'm not a "player or anything resembling a playa" , but let's just say high pathetically

(and it is HIGHLY pathetic of me to be writing this)

Let's just say that with my newfound wealth, I go out on the town. Let's say perhaps I attract a few ladies...ladies that I could not have "elations" with because I would have to abstain from E-Jack-You-'lations to make more money. Keep that gun on safety, triggerboy. Not that women are sex objects, I'm just saying that I'd be pretty frustrated - I'm just speaking highly pathetically. (repetition is key in jazz soloing, I repeat)

Oh yeah, in Jazz soloing, it's best not to "shoot your wad" too soon into the solo...it should climax naturally. Did I climax yet?
Jazz soloing can be very masturbatory too, come to think of it... (just change the "a" to "i" in jazz and...uh...) If the soloist is just trying to please himself and not serve the music/audience/communication between other instruments, he is pretty much flogging it musically. I have to admit, it has it's time and place...definitely, but ultimately you end up alienating your band and audience, and you find yourself alone... in a room- gigless, practicing by yourself. Dammit, this entire blog is one big wack off session. Who am I trying to fool? I am so ashamed.

I digress-

I need a job, badly. I'm not gonna do it though...I will be strong. I will abstain from sinking to a new low... But DAMN! I'd be so rich by now if I got paid evertime for uh...you know ...especially circa 1985-9, the height of puberty. My favorite Massabashun euphimism: "Shaking hands with the unemployed"...

I wonder though- how many dudes you pass on the street who do this for a living... and if anyone I know has done this. I guess it's kinda like giving blood...except you get a porno magazine instead of a cookie. Still feel a bit dizzy afterwards... and depending on your technique...a little sore in the arm. Money shots...heh heh... I'm spent.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/22/2002 01:19:00 AM [+] ::
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