:: Out of Spite, Out of Mind ::

:: Saturday, September 07, 2002 ::

Today's topic: Women and girls.

What I have to say: I like them a lot.


Ok, on to our next topic: Ever use a bathroom and the lightbulb doesn't work? i.e. you are pissing/crapping in the dark? Don't you hate it? You wanna do a good job at wiping...a stellar job if you have a hygiene obsession. Butt you can't, cuz you don't know what you're dealing with. It's like talking to someone on the phone who isn't responding- you know you're excreting stuff from your brain and the words are coming out of your mouth... but you get no feedback. I like to know what is coming out of me- who doesn't?
note: This situation happened to me about 7-8 years ago - I was playing a gig at a bar where the women's room was out of order so they were all using the men's room. I had to do a #2 really badly before playing- luckily the bass player lived down the street and gave me the keys to his place. I get there and there is no light in the bathroom... it was the most technically challenging and mindful dump I've ever taken. A Zen Shit. A sonar shit... Luckily it was easy as dropping the kids off at the pool and the gig came off without a hitch... butt somehow I knew I learned something that night.

I felt like I had passed a test. (the test being the burger I had eaten prior to the gig). The lesson: don't eat a burger before a gig.

next post: Women and girls (part 3)

:: Ol Man Factory 9/07/2002 01:11:00 PM [+] ::
...

There was a message on the answering machine yesterday for my housemate and great friend Aaron:

"I was looking at my calender and I knew something was happening yesterday...and then it hit me- it's your birthday! Oh man, I totally forgot..."

I had no idea it was his b-day (bidet, heh heh) either! I was even hanging out w/him on his birthday night and he didn't tell anyone!

What's up with that? Is he a member of a secret cool society of people who keep their birthday a mystery? I don't necessarily like people who make a big deal out of their own b-days, but come on- shouldn't you be able to tell your friends? Are they trying to attain immortailty by becoming "THE UNBORN"? Are they blocking out traumatic memories of birthdaze past with screaming kids and alcoholic clowns going apeshit in the kitchen (see Shakes the Clown) Maybe I've got it all wrong... maybe I'm the asshole. I probably am (why am I ALWAYS the ASSHOLE?) Perhaps it's my bad for not remembering... I dunno.

I know a lot of people who are in this "oh I'm too cool and reclusive for my own burstday society"- they think that they are way too cool for school. (not my school though). It could be a big test - to see who really cares, who thinks about you enough to acknowledge another successful year of life. Well, I care dammit!

I care enough to kick your ass for being a punk!

The punishment: a shot of 151 injected into the left ass cheek and a hearty pimpslap spank (butt not from me, from the birthday palm)

Love ya man, Happy Birthday and mandy moore!

please wish Aaron a happy belated birthday at Aaronsmi@pacbell.net!

:: Ol Man Factory 9/05/2002 11:15:00 AM [+] ::
...

I am convinced that somewhere, there is a room...nay, a warehouse of all the stuff I've had stolen from me or lost somehow... socks, cds, coins, m&m's, phone numbers, long lost friends, thoughts, my marbles, my pride, patents to inventions best left on the back burner, my walkman from 7th grade that got nabbed from my locker, my leather jacket that got stolen from my own party! the souls of all the girls who once liked me forever frozen in an enamored state, my hearing, my innocence, guitar picks, the swimming pools of beers that I misplaced at random parties... I could go on. I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to go visit this place.

Today's shitlist: the hours between 3-6pm... I don't know why, I just hate them. Maybe because in an alternate universe I am getting tortured somewhere. Then again, something good could be happening too in an alternate universe. What the fuck am I talking about?

note to self: add yourself to your own shitlist for thinking stuff that should not be thunk. I hate to be the one to break it to you... There is only one universe and in it, you are an ass.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/04/2002 11:59:00 PM [+] ::
...

A friend of mine (let's call him Frank) had something peculiar happen to him at a bar last night. I witnessed it from afar, but had no idea what had happened from my perspective. What I saw: Bartender and bartendress calls last call. Frank talking to his female co-worker, just minding his own business. The bar is shaped like a horseshoe, and there were two men on the other side. Frank suddenly gets up and goes to the two men, he seems to know one of the men- but introduces himself... they talk for a bit and Frank comes back... resumes his conversation with co-worker.

About a half hour later I left the bar and I saw the guy who talked to Frank across the street making out with two guys, then jump into a cab. I didn't think too much of it, but it stuck in my mind.

Well it turns out that the guy who Frank talked to motioned him from across the bar, like "you, come over here now!"
Frank, who used to work in a customer service type job thought that it was someone who recognized him from work, so he went over out of curiousity. No dice... the guy propositioned him on the spot, said that he had $300 dollars for him if he'd go home with him. No sex, just some "company". Frank declined, thought the guy was joking. The guy said no, and that he had just offered the guy next to him $500 but was turned down. He then produced the money and said he just wanted a "friend" and wanted to wake up in someone's arms. Frank declined again, in the back of his mind he was wondering why the other guy was worth $500 and he only $300. The fragile male ego! He then told the lonely guy that basically he could not give him what he wanted and that he should perhaps hit a gay bar, because he'd have a better chance at finding someone with the same needs. The guy took great offense to this and said "go away". So Frank did.

I later told Frank that I saw the guy get into a cab with two other guys, Frank was genuinely happy... happy that the guy found what he wanted... I guess the guy kept trying to get Frank's phone number, even though he said no, the guy Really wanted a friend...yeah right.
Desperation, loneliness, prostitution... Alive and well!
Oh yeah, add in inferiority complex for being $200 cheaper than someone!
Note: Frank is not gay. Frank is not me.
Scout's honor.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/04/2002 10:02:00 AM [+] ::
...

How strange, I just remembered a vivid dream I had last night:

I'm in Saratoga and I see Stache outside... then suddenly all these skunks come out of nowhere and are about to spray him... I open the sliding glass door and try to grab my cat, but he runs off... a skunk sees the opportunity to get into my house and runs in... my family is freaking out. I really don't want this skunk in the house so I somehow get eye contact with it and WILL it outside, pointing my finger at the open door. He runs out of the house with a guilty look in his eyes.

Dream analysis anyone?

Here's what a website told me:

Skunk
To see or smell a skunk in your dream predicts a social disappointment. Don't brood; you can't win them all, and new doors will eventually open.

House
An old house signifies a reunion or renewal of an old association.

Cat
A generally unfortunate omen indicating treachery and deceit among those you trust. If you killed the cat, you will defeat the purpose of your detractors; if you chased it away, you may expect a sudden stroke of luck.

Harem
Whether you are a woman and dreamed of being in one, or a man and dreamed of keeping one, the symbol is a straightforward one of busy times ahead with the opposite sex. Don't overdo it.

Oh, whoops... the harem was another dream...

:: Ol Man Factory 9/03/2002 10:24:00 AM [+] ::
...

Went to the wedding (reception), it was fantastic! Some things I learned/or had confirmed:
1) My friend Raj worked on the South Park movie w/an old friend of mine from Lexington, MA
2) Old friends I haven't seen in years are pretty much the same
3) Jack Johnson was there, he is one of the most down to earth guys I've ever met
4) Ledisi is a woman who makes me extremely happy, I find myself grinning like an idiot while watching her sing
5) people have sex in bathrooms

I'm sure there are more things I could add to the list, but they are stupid things like "I like free beer" and "there's a beautiful woman around every corner" so I will stop at 5.

I went to a cool place called Zeitgeist last night- looks like a biker bar on the outside... but there is a huge backyard-patio area with a series of picnic tables packed with friendly folk having a merry ol time. Really cool atmosphere, great music...I got to hear stuff that I usually wouldn't choose like The Velvet Underground, Husker Du, Johnny Cash singing Tom Petty covers. All of the neuroses and akwardness of the past few weeks seemed to melt away...
I met a indie rock girl who taught English in Japan- she loved it, but she was getting sexually harrased by a teacher and by other foreign guys! So Jacked up! I was inspired to go over there and be a bodyguard (I'd arm myself somehow of course). She said tha she reported it but since she is a foreigner and a woman, they didn't take it seriously. They gave her a rape whistle though. She was supposed to board a plane to go back, but the day of the flight she couldn't get herself to do it and left the job! She said she felt endangered, which seems out of character for Japan... but these days nothing seems to genuinely suprise me anymore.
How sad.

:: Ol Man Factory 9/03/2002 10:03:00 AM [+] ::
...

"Your wristwatch always seems to work, but your necktie never fits..."
-Aimee Mann/Elvis Costello

Scenario: My friend Dan is getting married to a wonderful girl named Jenna, he is in a band with another good friend of mine named Zach. I get an e-mail from Zach inviting me to a pre-wedding bash in a place called Alamo. I have not seen these guys in a long time (they tour pretty regularly throughout the U.S.). The invite tells me to bring a food dish for 6 people, a musical instrument and some sleep gear if I plan to stay over. It also says that there will be a "mardi-gras" theme. I am excited. In fact I am so excited that I make a vat of curry that will feed 20 people and 10 cups of rice. I load it into my car with a guitar and sleeping bag...can't find my mardi gras beads, but hell, 3 out of 4 ain't so bad. I am singing the entire way there...
My morale has been on the low side recently, in fact it seems like a lot of people I know are in the same boat and are not in the mood for parties...
this is exactly what I need I tell myself.

It's over the bridge and through the hills... I get there @ 7:40, the invite said 7:00 so I figure I am not the first one there.
When I arrive, I find a nice upper-middle class house in a suburb tucked away in the hills of Contra Costa county. There are some people in the driveway unloading a keg of beer, I don't know them so I introduce myself.

I tell them my name and one of the guys says "Hi, I'm Zak- I live here...I think you mistook me for someone else in the e-mail"

It hits me like a ton of bricks, this is a wedding bash thrown by Jenna's friends- not Dan's. I don't know ANYONE here...

Zak tells me to go in the backyard because that is where everyone is. Everyone I don't know that is.

Armed with a container of curry and rice, I make my way to the back yard where I am immediately accosted by the Biggest Goddamn Dog I've ever seen and it's two crony dogs. An older couple who I assume to be Zak's parents are decorating.
Zak's mom greets me with the question: "Are you afraid?... of the dogs that is..."

She can smell my akwardness, it's written all over my face.

I introduce myself and they are civil, not necessarily friendly... mainly because I am a complete stranger and they're distracted with making last minute adjustments to the party decorations... There is not a mardi gras theme in sight I notice. Also, I mention that I am a friend of Dan's and talk about what a great guy he is. They have never met Dan. I find out later that Zak is Jenna's ex boyfriend. This increases the akward factor considerably. The next hour and a half is excruciating... there are circles of people talking, but all I can do is hover around them like a hyena or some kind of buzzard...

Later in a desperate attempt to find something in common, Zak's mom asks me my name again and finds that it is spelled like Zak's but with a T. She's a nice lady and I feel like an ass for not being able to hold a conversation... I feel useless so I drink a beer. I imagine that it is an invisibilty potion and that I am slowly becoming transparent.

I remembered a party that I was at, feeling akward, so I just kind of slunk into the background. A girl started talking to me, I could tell she was putting forth effort to keep the conversation going... she was cute and seemed nice and though we had nothing in common, we clicked for some reason. She later became a girlfriend (or something approximating one) and a few months later I asked why she talked to me so much that night.

Her answer: Nobody was talking to you and I felt sorry for you.

Thinking about it now makes me want to shrink and dissapear even more.

The night turned out ok because my friends showed up (hours late) and I had a great time catching up with them, but the feeling of social ineptitude was still burning a hole in my soul...
So what the hell is wrong with me? The last 3 or 4 social functions I've been to have been just as disastrous- having absolutely nothing to say, can't quite relax...
Perhaps I've been alone so long that it's getting to me...

"That's all right, I still have my guitar..."
Jimi Hendrix (Red House)

:: Ol Man Factory 9/01/2002 03:10:00 PM [+] ::
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